Last time we were in Paris we stumbled upon the Place des Vosges quite by accident. We must have reached there after a long day of walking, because we lay down on the grass in the middle of the square and I fell asleep. When I woke, the square had filled with small children - maybe kindergarten had just closed for the day. Their piping little voices fluted around me as I lay, still sleep-addled and I had one of those rare life moments of, if not vocation, then at least clarity. I turned to my husband and said, 'Let's have children'. Or words to that effect.
The Place des Vosges is an elegant square of houses (140 metres square to be exact) built by Henri IV in the early 17th century. In the middle, separated from the road by an iron fence, are smooth lawns and gravelled paths, fountains and, surveying the scene regally from his horse, King Louis XIII. Few residents of central Paris have gardens, so they make good use of their public parks and the Place des Vosges is usually full of tourist groups, sure, but more of locals: women walking dogs, old men smoking pipes, lovers gazing at each other with dreamy eyes.
The day we are there this time around, once again there are children. A group of nine kids who look like an ad for the United Colours of Benetton race happily around, supervised by a plump black girl and a skinny guy of Middle Eastern appearance. The kids look about six and are having a fine old time, racing and tumbling on the grass under the benign gaze of their minders.
The Place des Vosges looks the same as it did 28 years ago. Under the serene cloisters surrounding the square there are more trendy art galleries and pricey cafes, but apart from that, it holds the same quiet magic - a retreat from the busy streets just a few meters away. It was the one place in Paris I was determined to re-visit, and it didn't disappoint.
After we'd returned home from our 18 months overseas all those yeas ago, we 'settled down'. We got jobs, found a place to live, bought our first dog together and then proceeded to have babies. It's hard to believe, once again resting in the Place des Vosges, that we have had that family I had such a clear sense of one day back in 1984. The lovely square looks exactly the same, and in my head and heart, I feel exactly the same too. It's as though we were here yesterday, so how did we have four children, one of whom is now older than I was that sunny day in Paris all those years ago, dreaming of unborn children?
That whole life phase, with its exhaustion and satisfaction and joy, is done.
Resting quietly in the Place des Vosges, a middle aged woman with her middle aged husband, I look at the young lovers around us and I do not envy them.
I wouldn't swap any of those years behind us, but I have no wish to return to them. Whatever happens in our future, whether it is long or short, golden or tragic or a mixture of everything, we have done that work and had those joys and those intervening decades and no one can take them away.